You probably know that Clean Language questions have a space in which to drop one or more of the words used by the person you’re questioning.
That’s part of what gives the Clean Language questions their power: when people hear you use their words they feel heard and understood. Negotiation expert Chris Voss calls mirroring their words “the nearest thing that the FBI has to Jedi mind trick.”
But how should you decide which word or words to ask about?
1: in everyday contexts such as work, Family, in education etc
Ask about anything! Whatever strikes you as interesting or memorable is a perfectly legitimate thing to ask about. There’s no need to try to memorise a three-minute speech.
If you have the cognitive space, I recommend some refinements on that:
- Go for the good stuff. Ask about things that sound positive and cheerful, goals rather than problems. That’s because energy flows where attention goes – and conversations that are positive and cheery are usually more fun and constructive than other kinds.
- Ask about the first thing they said in preference to the last thing. Make a mental note of the first sentence, or better still write it down, and ask about that.
- Only ask about an obvious metaphor if it sounds like it falls into the “good stuff” category. Don’t ask about ‘sinking’, ‘banging my head against a brick wall’ etc. Listen for ‘over the moon’, ‘on Cloud 9’ etc. (Note: positive metaphors are relatively rare in everyday conversation.)
2: In coaching or therapy contexts
There are entire frameworks to help you decide what to ask about, and if you plan to use Clean Language questions as a coach or therapist it’s worth learning one or more of these.
The best known is the Framework for Change by Penny Tompkins and James Lawley.
That’s the model I always have in mind when I coach using Clean Language questions, and I find it a super useful guide.